When all else fails, try duct tape (Jan 28)
By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune
As you are reading this, I probably will be at my doctor’s office, getting my regular checkup and also getting a bawling out for not getting enough exercise and packing too much weight.
The doc does his best to keep me healthy, and I do my best to find ways around his rules.
Most of my exercise comes from moving my fingers up and down on a computer keyboard, so I definitely don’t have fat wrists, but for some reason I can’t get rid of what Mrs. Doud calls my “muffin top,” that little (okay, not so little) roll of fat that sits around my waist like a bicycle inner tube.
I just about got rid of the muffin top in October, but along came the holidays with their motto of “eat more food than you ever will need.” Even with the holidays, I thought I had kept the muffin top at bay, but then last week, it popped up, and the scale on which I was standing redlined.
I usually try to eat sparingly, and while I’m not exactly the Jack LaLanne of Madera, I do try to walk around a little. One of my favorite exercises is walking around the grocery store aisles, looking at labels on packages and thinking about how good things taste. Maybe some of the calories in those packages float out and land on me, and that explains why I usually weigh more than I think I should, and way, way more than my doctor thinks I should.
Mrs. Doud suggests that I walk farther than around the grocery store.
“Why don’t you take the cat for a walk?” she once said.
Well, as you probably know, cats don’t go for walks, although our cat needs to. She eats more than I do, and has turned into a 25-pound blimp. The next time I take her to a vet, the vet probably will duct-tape her mouth shut.
Maybe that’s what the doctor will do to me today.
