Hoping for a break from Death Panel (Aug. 19)
Short Animation: “One Life” (“Old Man” by Neil Young)
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By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune
When it comes my turn to go before the Death Panel, if ever there is one, I hope they give me a break.
First, I don’t want them giving me a physical that involves the use of probes that snip pieces off, as one sees Martians use in sci-fi movies when they are inspecting earthlings they have beamed up into their ships that are hovering just out of sight over the horizon.
If they want to find out how I’m doing, I hope they just ask, “How are you feeling?”
Since I would be appearing before the Death Panel, which already has a bad reputation even before it is formed, I probably would say, “I never felt better. Lemme outta here.”
I am one of those people who hesitates to go even to his own doctor when he is sick, let alone go to the Death Panel.
The last time I was ill, I spent most of the time lying on the couch watching TV, groaning and making Mrs. Doud mad at me.
“Stop being sick,” she would say. Or, “why don’t you go to the doctor?”
It seems to me an inconvenience to the doctor to go see him when I am ill. First, I might give him whatever I have. I would feel terrible if I did that, because then he, too, would have to lie on his couch watching TV, groaning, with his wife getting mad at him.
Second, he might find out something is wrong with me that actually needs treatment, and I would wind up taking pills, getting shots and undergoing a colon inspection. He also would suggest that I change my diet to eat healthier (read that “dull tasting”) foods, that I should exercise more, stay away from chocolate and drink cod liver oil.
None of that is bad, but it makes lying around and groaning seem almost fun.
So you can see my dilemma. If I’m feeling ill enough to go before the Death Panel, would that be because I didn’t go to the doctor — or because I did?
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Musical Parody: “(Here Comes the) Public Plan”
by Jeff Horwich of Minnesota Public Radio
