Going to get some of that New Face (Sept. 19)
By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune
A copy of The Old Farmer’s Almanac for 2010 fell into my hands this week, and I am happy to report that this reliable publication predicts above-average precipitation and below-normal temperatures in Central California for this fall and winter.
Good. We need a few wet years.
The book also predicts an onset of global cooling, although one should presume global warming will continue over the long haul because of all the hot air that emanates from the world’s capitals, especially Washington, D.C., and Sacramento.
The almanac is full of useful information, such as which stars are the brightest and when. That is knowledge I never felt I needed, but I know many who pay close attention to the heavens and what goes on there. I have never been able to figure out the constellations, but the book has them down pat.
Most interesting about the book are the advertisements — ads you won’t see in many other places. For instance, there is an ad for Free Magic Spells (Tell Us What you Need). There’s also a book about “When You Should Never Eat Strawberries.”
There is an ad for the ComposTumbler, which is a pretty good product. I had such a device more than a few years ago, and it turned out a lot of compost. Of course, you have to take care of it, giving it a good turn every couple of days, or it is no better than any other compost pile.
The book also offers a home-water lightener — it makes water lighter. Light water apparently cures everything, tastes great, and costs hardly anything at all once you make the reasonable initial investment.
Finally, an ad for New Face has attracted me. The product is guaranteed to cure skin discoloration, wrinkles and prune lips. I’m going to order some. I don’t have prune lips yet, but why not be prepared.
