By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

We went to see “Slumdog Millionaire” over the weekend, and I accidentally spilled popcorn all over Mrs. Doud, which didn’t add to her enjoyment of the movie. Fortunately, it was not the larg- est-size popcorn — the one you have to wheel to your seat with a handcart — but it was big enough. It probably took two of the Movies Madera employees to sweep it up, and for that, I apologize.

The container still had popcorn in it when the film was over, even though we had eaten quite a bit and spilled quite a lot. On the way out, I tried to push the container with popcorn into the trash can, but the trash can pushed back, and the rest of the popcorn went on the floor. I looked around to see if anybody had spotted me. Would I be arrested? Whew! I got away with it.

Mrs. Doud already was out the theater door when I caught up with her.

“Where have you been?” she asked.

“Spilling the popcorn,” I replied. She didn’t look at all surprised.

Because it won nine Academy Awards, I had expected “Slumdog Millionaire” to be a cinematic milestone and uplifting, but it wasn’t. It was all about evil and venality.

Except for the main character, who despite being a thief and a con man is portrayed as being a person of some virtue, the rest of the people in the movie — who seem to include just about the whole population of India — are shown as possessing quite a few character defects. They are liars, child abusers, religious bigots, arsonists, thieves, con artists, white slavers, murderers, kidnappers, thugs, torturers and sycophants. Only the heroine is even close to being virtuous. The things you see them do to one another in this movie are heinous.

But who am I to point a finger? At least you don’t see them spilling popcorn.

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