Amazed by music awards acts (Nov. 24)
By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune
I happened to catch some of the American Music Awards Monday night and was amazed by stagecraft used by a couple of the singers.
One of them, Lady Gaga, played a burning piano while breaking fake whiskey bottles over the keyboard and wearing a white body stocking decorated in white braid. A lot of smoke was coming off the burning piano she was playing, and you could see her eyes watering. She also seemed to be perspiring quite a bit. (Girls don’t sweat, they perspire.)
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta is Lady Gaga’s real name, which is probably why she calls herself Lady Gaga. It is much easier to remember. And if she plays a burning piano rather than an ordinary one, perhaps the audience would remember her.
You would not remember her for her singing. It is more like shouting, or perhaps an unduly loud moan. But if one has a piano that burns, and establishes a reputation for performing in one’s underwear, one can get away with having had too few voice lessons.
Another performer was Jennifer Lopez, who used to be able to sing, but in this performance spent most of her time marching around on the stage dressed as a boxer and yelling the words to a song which turned out to be unintelligible. While she was trying to dance with another boxer, a male, she slipped and fell, but got right up again and continued to make a fool of herself.
I would have just stayed down on the stage and pretended that the act was over.
However, I have to say that I am in no position to be critical. When it comes to singing, I am about as melodious as a gravel truck. If I were to perform on the American Music Awards program, I would have to sing while hacking up burning logs with a running chainsaw so that nobody could hear me.
