By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

It will be interesting, at the end of this month, to see what happens when the state of Arizona begins enforcement of its highly-discussed immigration law. Will the jails suddenly fill with illegals? Will federal Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents suddenly be overwhelmed with prisoners to be sent home?

If the answer to those questions is yes, it also will be interesting to see what happens to Arizona’s agriculture, hospitality and service economies. While nobody really knows how many illegals are employed as crop harvesters and hotel employees, if the supply of people for those jobs is suddenly reduced, hotels and farmers may have to raise wages.

When construction begins again in earnest, will wages for construction laborers have to be raised because of a shortage of workers?

Will people who used to enjoy having their yards done at reasonable rates by illegal gardeners suddenly find themselves out tending their own yards in 100-degree heat, or having to pay much more to gardeners because of labor shortages?

Will restaurant owners have to pay more for cooks, dishwashers, table servers and bus people?

Arizonans are extremely frustrated by having to pay the costs of illegal immigration. They want their border with Mexico defended. They don’t like the additional expenses of supporting those illegals who can’t find jobs, or who get sick, or who want to put their kids in schools. You can’t blame them for their frustration. You can’t blame them for their sense of outrage at being infringed upon by the uninvited.

But it will be interesting to see whether many Arizonans who have profited from the labor of illegals might regret it if the law works, and results in a substantial reduction in that state’s human capital.

Should that happen, the law could turn out to have unintended consequences that many might regret.

On June 12, while my wife and I and our daughters, Mary Ellen, Janie, Lori and grandkids and great-grandkids were attending the City League Championship game between Lee’s Concrete, winners of the American League, and Drs. Stevenson, winners of the National League, I recalled good memories of Cardy Farias.

That day, June 12, it was six years since the Annoying (announcing) Booth at the American League field was named after Cardy Farias. It couldn’t have happened to a better friend of mine.

I first met Cardy when Little League games were played at the Old Lincoln School, right there where the City Hall is now. It was May 1, 1952. I used to play softball in 1952, in the night-ball association, playing with the Owls softball team. We used to have a “B” team in the night-ball association, and we, the Owls, also used to sponsor a Little League team, which was managed by Lee Aldama.

In those years we only used to have four teams in the league. Nowadays in Little League we have two leagues, American and National. Throughout the years, 50 to be exact, Cardy coached Little League teams. I remember every year during the Little League Carnival, he would bring all these bulletin boards with Little League pictures on it that he had collected throughout the years.

For the last three years I would go over his house, and he would give me a Little League schedule. I always would see Cardy sitting down behind home plate right there by the announcing booth, that was named after him for all the good work he did for the boys in Little League.

This year I miss Cardy sitting there behind home plate, because he is at Westgate Convalescent Hospital on Howard Road.

While I visit our boy, Timmy, in Modesto, who has a welding shop, I always visit one of his classmates, Marcella Flores, who is Joe L. Flores’s sister-in-law. Marcella was married to Alex (Joe’s brother). Marcella would always come to the class reunion.

These are good memories of Richard “Cardy” Farias, and always, believe me I feel real proud and happy to be there with him after they named the varsity baseball field at Madera South High School Eddie Chapa Field on Feb. 24, 2007. Get well, Cardy.

Eddie Chapa,
Madera

By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

While writing this, I am staring at my cell phone, wondering why, when I took it out of its wallet, it asked me whether I wanted to erase everything and start over. I did not know I had an app for that, but apparently I do.

My phone is not an Apple iPhone 4, by the way. People have been complaining about their iPhone 4s since those most desirable of instruments showed up on the market a few weeks ago.

Users who complain say if they cradle the phone a certain way, the number of signal strength bars drop. Perhaps it also asks you if you want to erase everything and start over. I don’t know.

I have had my own particular cell phone for almost a year. As I said, it is not an Apple. It is more like a prune — not nearly as pretty as an Apple iPhone 4. It drops plenty of calls. Perhaps it isn’t the phone’s fault, though.

Apple is saying the problems with its iPhone 4 are the fault of some software glitch on the king of all cell phones and has released a fix and an apology. Perhaps they also hope for an apology and a fix from the idiots at Consumer Reports who chose not to recommend the iPhone 4. (The Consumer Reports people were not idiots, however, when they did recommend the iPhone 3.)

A dear friend of ours has spent about $10,000 buying an iPhone 4 and equipping it with enough apps to run the national power grid. But she still sometimes loses calls in her own home. She has to stand on one leg, hold the phone with the tips of the fingers of her right hand and hold an apple (Granny Smith variety) to her left ear. Then the phone works just fine.

My own phone, the Prune, has a tendency to come apart, or do things it was never meant to do. I’m sure it is my fault, because when I don’t touch it, it works great. Especially now. I have turned it off.

First of all, streets should be straight, intersections should be at 90 degrees and aligned. Somewhere, some beautification idiot decided streets should curve in sweeping arcs left and right.

Then they decided to put trees and shrubs in the middle of them. Then they determined intersections should be offset so you have to almost change lanes while going through them.

The July 9 Madera Tribune announced that our ding-dong leaders are going to increase the speed limit on several of these streets to 40 mph. Just one example. Granada, from Sunset to Howard. Bingo, you have a curve, then a stop sign and a short sprint to Howard.

Why? Some of these changes are on streets that involve schools and parks. Is this stimulus money? Somehow these leaders (city and county both) think grant/stimulus money is free. It’s still our money. Take the Police Department mural. Free money, that’s what the chief said. If we don’t use it we lose it. Big deal, we have a mural.

Not mentioned was Schnoor, from Riverview to Sunset, still 20 mph. That’s (when kids are present) school zone stuff. Why not 40 there? I have a hard time doing 25-30 on that stretch. Got pulled over once at the speed-indicator sign. I punched the accelerator and watched my speed zoom up to 20 and beyond.

Yep, there was a cop around the corner. He asked “What the heck you doing?” I said I was checking my speedometer. He said he couldn’t believe I punched it. I was in my work van. He said, “Get out of here and keep it down.”

Let’s not spend money on ridiculous stuff. This is one of them. Ellis overpass is another.

Bill Hoffrage,
Madera

By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

President Obama is determined to do away with offshore drilling despite his pre-Gulf-gusher decision to allow it to proceed. Even though a federal court overturned his attempt to ban drilling after the BP accident, he is trying another ploy — making the ban effective only until the end of November.

Goodness sakes, that is subtle. Let’s see, what happens in November? Oh, yes … congressional elections.

Obama’s “independent” drilling commission is another indication that if he gets his way, it’s goodby to offshore drilling for oil anywhere near the United States — unless it is off the shores of Mexico or Cuba.

This independent drilling commission is set up to shut down drilling. While the commission was supposed to be weighted with people who knew something about the oil business, but weren’t necessarily in it, that didn’t happen. Instead, the commission has been packed with lefty environmentalists who never met an oil well they liked.

The president and the enviros need to take a step back and look objectively at offshore drilling. While it’s true there are accidents, shouldn’t the focus be on preventing, fixing and mitigating those unfortunate events rather than doing away with drilling?

Most of the nation’s easily recoverable petroleum reserves are offshore. Unless we can tap into at least some of these, we will become ever more dependent on foreign oil. The enviros would love that, because it would tend to raise the price of oil and turn the country more toward alternative fuels.

But without enough oil to power the nation’s transportation system during the transition to other fuels, the economy will take a beating. Imagine the present recession as a permanent state of affairs while gas is $10 a gallon.

Fortunately, Congress is seeing through Obama, and is forming its own bipartisan commission to look at offshore drilling.

By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

The other day, I decided it was time to learn some Spanish. With the help of a friend, and with Mrs. Doud rolling her eyes, I labeled some of the objects in our house. I wrote Spanish words for the objects on Post-It notes and now our house has several pink labels on its contents.

For example, the kitchen table is la mesa, the chair beside it is la silla, and the salt on the table is la sal. The floor is el suelo.

This campaign to learn Spanish will be a long one.

Learning Spanish nouns usually requires learning two words for every one word of English. That’s because Spanish nouns have gender. There are feminine words and masculine words. Spanish isn’t the only language to mix up its nouns like that, but it certainly doesn’t make learning Spanish any easier. Also, you wonder what those masculine and feminine words are doing when you aren’t looking. Are they getting together to make new little words that later grow into big ones?

Also, learning how to put the words together is likely to be a problem. Spanish grammar takes real work. When I studied Spanish in college, I learned several phrases, but only one stuck with me. It is “Yo tengo un vaca lechera.” That means, “I have a milk cow.” It might surprise you how seldom one is called upon to say that. I did not even use it when I actually did have a milk cow, some 30 years ago.

One phrase I did learn later on served me very well, however. It is this: “Dos Pacificos, por favor.” That enabled me to have some nice beers brought to Mrs. Doud’s and my table when we were visiting Mexico. It was easily understood.

“Donde esta el Bano?” is another phrase that came in handy, right after dos Pacificos were consumed.

As you can see, I’ve got quite a ways to go, with quite a few Post-It notes, to get where I want to be.

Music Video: “Vanilla Twilight” by Owl City

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All comments are edited for length and content. Because of content or space limitations, some comments may not be published. More than one comment from the same person during the same week will normally not be published. Please limit calls to two minutes or less.

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A man said, “I hope the city doesn’t think that’s a good repair job on Howard Road after they fixed that water leak. If you’re in the lane closest to the center line and hit it, your car rattles and shakes. If you’re making a left turn your car actually goes sideways when you hit it, even at a slow speed. Come on, city, do the job right.”

A male caller read “the headline on June 26 about Arizona’s immigration law,” and had this to say. “I heard it may become a pattern for some states. I sure hope California is one of those states to follow in Arizona’s footsteps.”

A man responded to past comments on the Madera National Little League All-Stars. He said he knew “about eight or 10 of the All-Stars. Most of the kids deserve to be on the team, but a couple of them are only there because they’re the son of the manager or coach.” He named a player who, he said, “struggled with the bat all season and was an average fielder, but he made it because his dad is the manager. This has been going on since the beginning of time and will continue to go on until the end of time, but I just wanted it to be known.”

A man “was in total agreement (with a Red Line caller) about the parking facility at the ‘granite palace’ (County Government Center). I believe all the employees should be on the top floor. That goes for the board of supervisors, too. Are they that special?”

A woman left a message “for the young man that was shot … God be with him and his family as well as for the young man shot to death on C Street.”

A woman mentioned our “crossword puzzle was incorrect (in an edition) and the answers were doubled up.”

A woman who left her name and phone number claimed “the Chowchilla Police Department killed our dog.” She wanted someone “brought to justice” and asked the paper to look into it.

An online contributor wrote: “My 4th and 6th graders have a contest going to find the most errors in the Tribune each day. Today’s best was in your Editor’s Corner (July 2), where they question your history. It seems you were a century off in your reflection of colonial rebellion. Overall, we enjoy your paper, but we especially love the practice you give the kids in proofreading. Thanks!”

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Thank you for your calls. Remember, the Red Line is open for your messages 24 hours a day by calling 674-4478 or by visiting maderatribuneredline.com on the Internet.

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Local Video: The Fairmead fossils

I am a volunteer at the Hinds Hospice Thrift store in Madera. I give of my time because I believe in the hospice service provided. The store is staffed primarily by volunteers and the money generated from that store goes to terminally ill patients.

What I want the readers to know about is that thieves have been burglarizing the store and adjacent yard consistently now for quite some time. These morally bankrupt low-lifes have found that they can cut the fence of the yard and plunder the items that have been donated by the people this community. I am angry, and I imagine that those who read this will be angry too.

These thieves are so brazen that they have taken items from a side yard in broad daylight. Hey, knucklehead ( the thieves), I hope you got a hernia carrying that gigantic TV from the side yard (it’s broken, it doesn’t work).

I will continue to donate my time and so will the others. I just hope someday soon these thieves will get caught and get their just punishments. I am a firm believer that the universe has a perfect accounting system and morally bankrupt low-life humans like these thieves don’t get to leave this planet before they pay the piper.

Barbara Ponze,
Madera

I’ve got blisters on my feet
From walking in Madera’s streets in 3-digit heat
Selling my poems from door to door.
Good folks need something good to read
So I have to walk some more.

I go to homes and show them my poems.
Some buy a book, others don’t.
Some display a fearful look
And while opening their doors only a crack
They ask me if I’d please come back.
I tell them I will, but I won’t.

I’ve got to give everyone a chance
To purchase a book of poetry.
So if you find me at your door, my friend,
Seize the opportunity.

I take the time to seek you out.
My goal is to go to all of the homes.
So if you don’t make a purchase when I visit your home,
Then you come to mine next time for your poems.

As a poet, I am a busy man.
I compose, publish, and sell as I can.
What I do, I do for fun
Because I want to share my poems with everyone.

I have a tremendous responsibility.
Madera is a growing city.
I am convinced that our residents’ lives
Will be improved by my poetry.

I’d really like to stay and talk with you
But I’ve only a minute or two.
About 50,000 Maderans are waiting for me.
I’m the Domino’s Pizza of poetry.

Brian Donald O’Donovan,
Madera

By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors is considering an ordinance that would make it illegal to sell pets in that city. The reason, it is stated, is that far too many cats, dogs, birds, gerbils and other critters are having to be put to sleep. The problem, you see, is not with the pets. It is with the irresponsible owners.

Those owners are fatheads.

The cat in our house would agree. She spends plenty of time sleeping as it is, without having to be “put to sleep.” Just put a little something in her food dish, and she will gobble it up, lie down and start snoring. In fact, she will nod right off on any excuse.

San Francisco does not have the monopoly on pet-owner fatheads. There are plenty of those in Madera County. Dogs and cats — especially cats — are being put to sleep left and right at the animal shelter. Maybe, however, San Francisco’s new ordinance, if it becomes law, could work in our favor.

If people in San Francisco want pets and can’t buy them there, they might come here and pick pets up for the cost of having them neutered, vaccinated and chipped.

Neutering keeps the pets from reproducing. That is better than letting them reproduce, then having their babies put to sleep. Perhaps neutering could be used on the fatheads, as well. I hear that non-fathead pet lovers in San Francisco would like to have neutering administered their board of supervisors, too.

Vaccination for a pet is about like vaccination for humans. The humans don’t care much for it, and neither do the pets, but it keeps all healthy.

The chipping is something new. An electronic chip is inserted beneath the skin of the pet, and if the pet gets lost, a chip reader can be passed over the pet like a magic wand, and the chip will tell the pet’s name, address, Social Security number, phone number, Facebook password, Pay Pal code and owner’s name.

Our cat doesn’t want any part of that. She believes in keeping some things secret.