By Jennifer Abbott
The Coalinga Recorder

There’s no doubt about it, we live in a world ruled by computers. You might not see a keyboard or a monitor but for the most part anything that does something independently has a computer.

I’m not suggesting that your spouse is computerized just because he’s self-motivated and capable of doing chores without physical or verbal intervention from you. Although, sometimes it would be nice if you could push a button or set a timer and send your pre-programmed spouse off to work knowing that he will automatically stop at the store and pick up a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread and two ripe tomatoes on his way home.

Computerization has invaded every room of the house. We have microwave ovens, programmable refrigerators, bread makers capable of baking bread from start to finish in just a couple of hours. Remember the old fashioned coffee percolator? You would add the water, install the coffee grounds in the little basket then turn it on. The boiling water would bubble up to the top, shower over the grounds and generate the perfect cup of coffee.

My new coffee maker has an auto pilot setting where I can program it to start the coffee at a certain time, brew it then shut itself off two hours later. It tells me when it needs cleaning and when to replace that itty bitty little filter that insures your coffee will be non-toxic every time and the best part is, it’s red! Pretty nifty little gadget, if you ask me.

Newer vehicles are computerized to the hilt. There are enough idiot lights on the control panel of my eight-year-old van that if they all came on at once, not only would the vehicle come to a screeching halt, but a mother ship from another planet would respond thinking that one of her fledglings was stranded in a strange world.

That’s nothing, though. I’ve seen pictures of new cars that look like the cockpit of a top secret aircraft. As if that weren’t enough, they have advanced systems for vehicles capable of popping your locks if you lock yourself out, call emergency services if you are in an accident and provide hands-free calling should you want to talk to someone while driving.

An additional service provided is the global positioning system, also known as GPS. These navigation systems communicate with a network of satellites and other sources to keep you, the traveler, apprised of road conditions, construction, gas stations and other tidbits of pertinent information that might be helpful to you.

Now I don’t know if you’ve had the opportunity to experience this amazing technology but let me tell you this little doodad can add a great deal of entertainment to any road trip. The premise is to program your starting point into the computer followed by the destination address. As you go along your way a voice tells you when and where to turn, kind of like a talking road map.

But get this, if you don’t do what it tells you to do it starts getting testy. It insists that you make a U-turn at the next opportunity to get back on track.

Not long ago, four of us from the office traveled to Fresno for a meeting. Just for fun, Marlene set the GPS for the general proximity of the address we were heading for. Now I had never seen one of these before so maybe I’m imagining things, but I swear that disembodied voice was getting upset!

The more she ignored it, the terser it got. I was afraid an AK-47 was going to appear out of the dashboard and we would be forced at gunpoint to go the long way around, which is the route these ingenious contraptions are programmed to give you. Satellite technology in a land-bound vehicle. What a concept!

In our medical office, accuracy is everything. We type the information into the computers as patients give it to us. If we don’t keep up with current data or input info correctly then errors occur and some dire consequence will slow up the process. We can’t blame an inanimate object that does only what humans tell it to do.

I understand that and assumed everyone else does too, so you can imagine my surprise when I heard one of our staff say to a patient, as she handed him his information to verify and sign, “Make sure you check that carefully because computers make mistakes.”

In the blink of an eye and a slip of the tongue the blame-it-on-the-computer excuse is born. Just another way that technology can make us more creative. Aren’t computers grand?

All comments are edited for length and content. Due to content or space limitations some comments may not be published. Please limit your calls to two minutes or less. Repeat messages on the same subject adding to the length will not be published.

A woman “wanted to leave a message for the concerned citizens of Madera.” She mentioned, “a gentleman that is out on the street panning (panhandling) for money. He usually wears a white T-shirt, jeans and claims he just got off work from Madera Glass, and has a nephew who is at Valley Medical Center who was just in a car accident. He has approached me two times and I just witnessed him approaching another woman at the shopping center at Tozer.” She mentioned several times she “has been approached,” and was just wanting to get “some information out to the public so they are aware of him.”

A woman responded to “the gentleman who mentioned the Post Office having graffiti sprayed on it,” and added. “Another place was the Madera (National Guard) Armory that somebody would have enough gall to spray paint and get up there.”

Several callers answered the lady last week who claimed that at a newly opened restaurant “most of the employees had green cards.” His asked, “I was just wondering if the people actually showed her their green card?” or she just made that assumption. Another man said, “those that served me were white. So if they are illegal, or had green cards, they must be from Europe.”

A man called in response to several callers last week concerned with the American Little League purchasing team uniforms from the Internet instead of locally. He asked those that commented, “How many of them go shopping in Fresno? These people are idiots. Everybody is thinking about making a dollar, but it’s all about the kids. I think the board is doing a great job. The people are out there communicating. It’s just a bunch of crap these people are talking.”

Several more callers this week had a different view on the topic. Most were “upset at a local sports league for local kids that would not, at least, compare prices and ask if, locally, the price they got off the internet could be matched or the uniforms purchased cheaper. They (the league) didn’t even bother to check.”

Another caller, a male, did “ask around a couple of sports stores in Madera. They (the stores) agreed that they could and would have matched or beaten, and given the same quality of uniform as bought off the Internet.”

“Regarding your Red Line,” said a man, “there appears to be a lot of racists living in Madera complaining about downtown. They need to get a life.”

The “same lady that called last week about the color of the buildings and was quoted as saying, ‘if you’re going to blame on anyone blame on the City Council they are so inappropriate’” this week said, “I meant, if you are going to blame anyone, blame the City Council. As for all the racist comments, the Tribune should not print them in the Red Line. The caller should write a letter, signing his name.”

A man responded to the thievery from a mailbox at Riverside Drive and D Street. “They should see what is going on across the street. The heroin addict is waiting for the drug dealer to come by. And just around the corner from an elementary school too.”

A man said, “that woman who left her kid at the park should have her uterus taken away, and her welfare too. That’s our taxpayer dollars at work. They should hang her.”

“I am so sick and tired of hearing (jail and prison) inmates wanting information in Spanish. They’re in there and make demands. We who are not even in jail don’t get what we want so why should they.”

A man (name given) called about “the recent fishing derby at Hensley Lake.” He thanked several “local officers and local businesses and the bass club for providing the volunteers and effort in making it a success. It is great for the whole family and a positive thing.”

A woman who said, “I am a Mexican-American,” responded to last week’s caller, who said, every time we eat vegetables or drink red or white wine we should think about those that are picking the crops.” This lady said, “I picked tomatoes and grapes, and I don’t think anyone should feel guilty because I got paid to do that work. If they did have to work, it’s because they are not educated enough to get the other type of work that is available. The people you need to thank are the farmers, growers and ranchers. It’s because of them the people out in the fields have a job.”

A woman “concerned with the athletic departments” said, “Madera South (High) can go to (Las) Vegas for a tournament and they say they have no money. It’s all the same school district. How can some schools have 4 or 5 tournaments, and some only 1 or 2 to go to? What’s happened here?”

“My child left the Easter egg hunt very disappointed,” began a woman. “We got there just before what was supposed to be the start, only to see all the kids already gathering up the eggs.” Also, she added, “a new friend, just moved to town, asked me about where it was and I told her to look for all the eggs scattered on the outfield grass at the ball fields at the corner of Schnoor and Howard. However, that area wasn’t used this year. She didn’t see any signs so she missed it.”

A woman’s voice, reading from what sounded like a prepared statement, “hoped the school board decisions would create the best learning environment for the students and graduating students prepared to succeed beyond high school. Instead, because of poor fiscal oversight and management they opted, to balance the budget, by ridding the district of their most experienced teachers directly impacting the quality of education of our children.”

Thank you for your calls. Remember, the Red Line is open for your messages 24-hours a day by calling 674-4478 or visiting www.maderatribuneredline.com.

By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

A big puppy in our neighborhood starts barking at 8 a.m., and keeps at it a good part of the day until its family comes home from school and work. Mrs. Doud, who is no fan of barking dogs, went down the alley to check the dog out and found out it is being kept in a small run, which it doesn’t like.

“It seems like a nice dog,” she said. “I just wish it would be quieter.”

The dog got out one day and was loping around a neighbor’s yard, having a good time. It is a big pup, and seems well cared for. It just doesn’t like being confined.

Our cat, on the other hand, seems to be prone to self-confinement. She sleeps in a tall box in the garage ever since she was banned from the house for naughty behavior, and the tall box seems to suit her. When she isn’t in the tall box, she sleeps under a bush, or on the hood of my car, usually just after I’ve had it washed.

In the police reports, you see quite a few instances of officers being dispatched to complaints of dogs barking, but seldom do you hear of a cop knocking on a door and telling a pet owner to keep her cat quiet. Cats do make noise, but not on the level of dogs.

New dogs often will keep their owners up nights, just as new babies do. They’ll whine and howl, and keep their owners from sleeping, and sometimes keep the neighbors from sleeping, as well. New dogs can be quite a handful.

President Obama may learn this as Bo, his family’s new pup, turns the White House upside down.

As if Obama doesn’t have enough to worry about, what with the economy and pirates on the high seas, now he may have to deal with his neighbors in the White House calling up and complaining about Bo’s barking, whining and digging up their flowers.

Before long, Obama might be wishing he’d gotten a cat.

By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

First, here’s a shout-out to the Navy for its successful rescue of Capt. Richard Phillips from the hands of pirates who had tried to capture his ship, the U.S. flagged Maersk Alabama. The world followed the high-seas drama, and the nation cheered when it concluded successfully.

President Obama said after the rescue that the United States is “resolved to halt the rise of piracy in that region and to achieve that goal, we’re going to have to continue to work with our partners to prevent future attacks.”

That is easy to say, much harder to do.

So far, in recent times, only the United States and French navies have met pirate attacks on ships of their nations with armed responses. Yet, this year alone, there have been 74 pirate attacks, resulting in 15 hijackings.

An attack last year attempted to take over an American tourist ship, but it was quelled when the ship was able to outrun the pirates’ boats.

Most of the nations under whose flags the seized ships sail have been either unable or unwilling to respond to the pirate attacks. The shipping companies have chosen instead to pay the ransoms demanded by the pirates.

The fact is that only a handful of nations have the naval capability or the inclination to do anything about piracy.

And a good many cargo vessels are registered in countries such as Liberia and Sierra Leone, where ships’ licenses are sold like baseball cards. That’s how some shipping companies avoid having to meet basic requirements such as sanitation and safety for crews.

The Maersk company, based in Denmark, is one of the world’s largest shipping companies, and one of the best. It would cooperate with efforts to quell piracy. Many of the others, however, are questionable.

It was an honor and privilege to walk from Mendota to Firebaugh today with farm workers, farmers and others from the valley, who understand (much better than Washington and Sacramento) that we’re creating a modern-day dust bowl on the most productive farm land on the face of the earth.

For over 30 years, we in agriculture have been sounding the alarm. We thought that our politicians would be reasonable and visionary and provide for the future of California and our Nation. Not so.

I’ve spent 40 years walking beside farm workers in the fields
as a hands-on farmer. I’ve never asked a farm worker to do anything that I’ve never done or wouldn’t do. That’s why we took to the streets today, some 5,000 strong. I walked with families in a 30-mph head wind, pushing children in strollers.

I thought that at the age of 60 I might be the oldest to complete the trek. I was pleased to meet Harry from Mendota, who’s 8 years older than I am. And he beat me to the finish line in Firebaugh.

Bottom line is this — we shouldn’t have to do this. But the
fact of the matter is, we must!

The Latino Water Coalition is the organization that will put our
common issues on the National stage. Everyone in the valley, should be appalled that not one national news presentation tonight presented the events in our valley today!

Don McKinney,
Madera

By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

As if I needed any more evidence I am culturally bereft, Mrs. Doud brought it home the other day in the form of one of those magazines that specializes in stories about famous people — or at least people the magazine’s editors think are famous. But I hardly know any of them. They could be from Mars, for all I know.

One thing these supposedly famous people all have in common is that they are young and good looking. Also, the women are too skinny. They look like stick people. I have nothing against thin people, but I don’t think a person’s weight should be made up mostly of their bones. Those bones should have some flesh besides skin on them. But then, who am I to say? After all, they are the ones who are famous, not I.

Maybe that is how it goes when a person gets to a certain age. The people who were famous when a person is young remain famous while that person ages, but the famous people age, too. They still look pretty darn good, as a matter of fact, assuming they looked pretty darn good to start with.

But I suspect the young people wonder who in the heck those older people are, just as I wonder who the heck those younger people are.

For example, there are a lot of rap musicians whose names, and whose girl friends’ names I don’t recognize. That may be because I don’t listen to rap music. I know a lot of folks love rap music, but to me it sounds like those trucks that come along on trash day and empty the cans.

My dad hated rock ’n’ roll, which I enjoyed, and still do.

I listen to an oldies station a lot because I still enjoy the songs. But some of the oldies they are playing aren’t so old now. It’s almost sad. I tune in ready to tap my foot and wind up scratching my head. I guess I’ll have to buy some oldies CDs, but that is presuming that they even have CDs any more.

A recent cooperation in a somewhat unusual form has developed in both Madera and Fresno counties. Madera County, the City of Fresno and the State of California have teamed for a program for the mutual betterment of the citizens of the area.

A joint venture starting with the Madera County Department of Corrections, the Fresno Police Department and the State of California Department of Transportation has taken inmates from the Madera correctional facility and put them to work under the supervision of the Fresno Police Department.

This program, funded by the State Caltrans organization, is focused on the cleaning and beautification of the highways in both counties in the form of litter control and landscape maintenance. This project was resurrected and put back in effect after budget shortfalls shut down the Fresno County satellite jail in July of 2008.

The first week of March saw the project up and running with inmates who are very pleased to be out in the fresh air and do something to contribute to the community. The inmates are all low-level violators who would prefer spending their days in custody doing something constructive rather that suffering the long and boring hours watching the calendar.

The concept of inmate labor is certainly nothing new to any given location in our country. What makes this unique is the mutual agreements between city, county, and state to put this program in place, and especially so since it involves a city in another county using state financing.

The program was the brainchild of Madera County Supervisors Ronn Dominici and Vern Moss, Madera County CAO Stell Manfredi, Chief of Corrections Doug Papagni and Lieutenant Tom LaBand of the Fresno Police Department, with the approval of Caltrans.

When Madera residents see a Fresno Police vehicle pulling a Caltrans work trailer within the confines of Madera County, they can see first hand that local officials can cut through red tape and make things work with taxpayer savings at the forefront of the endeavor.

Michael Harris,
Madera

By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

A church in Pennsylvania, which has been holding Lenten fish fries on Fridays, has had to do without one of the staples of its menus — homemade pies, made by parishioners and sold for $1 a slice to help raise money.

These pies were truly homemade — made at home — which was the problem, as far as the health inspector was concerned when he paid his annual visit to the church kitchen, which is licensed. He called the pies illegal, because
the kitchens in which they were made were not inspected.

His decision broke a lot of hearts because the pies were delicious, and there had been no reports of anybody getting sick eating them.

We’ve all been to church potlucks where the dishes were made in homes and brought to the social hall, where they were eaten, and most of us have walked away happy. I know I have. The people who bring those hot dishes and salads do their best to keep them hot, or cold, whatever the requirement. and they are delicious. Then there are family reunions, to which family members bring all kinds of foods. Those dishes are consumed with glee. Church and family-reunion potlucks are hardly ever inspected.

The folks in Pennsylvania called the inspections the “heavy hand of government,” according to The Wall Street Journal. But I’m not so sure that was the case.

The fish fries served hundreds of people every Friday, as if they were in a restaurant, and on that scale, an inspection seems appropriate.

A person can control her pie baking on a small scale, but when the pies go out the door hundreds of pieces at a time, control gets a lot harder.

I used to make egg rolls by the dozens in a church basement as part of a fundraiser. Were they all pristine? Maybe not, although I did try.

I would like to say “Hats Off” to the Madera Valley Inn’s staff. I recently spent a few nights in your town, and I experienced kindness and compassion from their staff that is rarely found these days. We were going through a family crisis and they reached out to our whole family with love and concern. They went way beyond what would have been professionally expected.

Jon King, manager of Madera Valley Inn, was so kind, and Dora you know I love and appreciate you. They did a great job of representing your city.

Please consider letting everyone know about the great staff at Madera Valley Inn.

Pam Smalley,
from Oklahoma

By Chuck Doud
The Madera Tribune

Chalk this up as another reason why I don’t like to fly. A Mr. Joao Correa of Concord, Ohio, was arrested in Atlanta for having a “bathroom emergency” on a Delta Airlines flight, and trying to use the business class bathroom on the plane when the aisle to the coach-class bathrooms was blocked by flight attendants serving beverages.

He asked the flight attendants to move, but they weren’t about to be bothered. Apparently some of the other passengers were having beverage emergencies that were more important than his bathroom emergency.

He asked nicely if he could use the business class bathroom, but a flight attendant blocked his way with her arm. He grabbed the woman’s arm, and doing so led to his being arrested when the plane landed.

I don’t know whether you have ever had a bathroom emergency, but I have. In fact, if you asked her, Mrs. Doud would tell you that it is a good thing we have two bathrooms in our house, because these emergencies occur with some frequency, especially after certain spicy foods.

Mr. Correa said it was bad food he ate in Honduras, before he took off for Atlanta, that caused his emergency, and perhaps you know what that’s like. I had some bad food in Mexico once, and “bathroom emergency” hardly begins to describe the effect it had on me.

Anyway, could there be a more horrible way to travel than with a gang of aisle blockers to whom a bathroom emergency is nothing more than an excuse for them to throw their weight around?

Mr. Correa was jailed for two days and charged with interference with a flight crew. I would think this is more a case of a flight crew interfering with Mr. Correa, but that will be sorted out in court.

Of course, the business class passengers were spared the insult of having Mr Correa defile their bathroom, so the whole thing may have been worth it.